‘Choose, it’s me versus them’: Woman Refuses to Attend Sister’s Wedding Due to ‘Child Phobia’, Demands Sister Make it Kid-Free

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Sienna Varady
Feb 2, 2024 9:00 AM EST

Essentially, siblings are just naturally born best friends. Somehow, people have a tendency to think that having an odd number of children is a recipe for disaster. Since the eldest will always be their parents' first love, it is said that they have it easy. The youngest child will always be the baby of the family, so they will have it even easier, but the middle child always seems to receive the short end of the stick.

In the story that follows, an older sister expresses her anger at the birth of her younger sister. OP has struggled to understand that she is no longer the only child in the family. All of a sudden, she had to part with her possessions as well as her parents' love and concern. Nevertheless, as the years passed, rather than getting over the previously described 'acclimatization difficulties', her problems only got worse and more difficult to manage. 

The story below begins when OP's sister gets in touch with her to invite her to her wedding and inquires about her interest in joining the bridal party. At this point, everything seems to be going smoothly, but things rapidly get worse when the soon-to-be bride reveals some of the kids that will be present at the wedding. With a strong fear of children that dates back to the day her sister was born, OP loses it and insists that the bride remove the children from the invitation…

That being said, read the story below to learn the specifics of what happened between OP, the bride, and the rest of the family! When you're finished, don't forget to read the story of the man who refused to invite his mother to his wedding!

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  • 01
    Now, I am not comfortable around children of any age. It is part of my trauma; being around them for me comes with a sense of responsibility that reminds me of the neglect I suffered at the hands of my family. My sister knows this, so I assumed with her asking me to be in the wedding, that the wedding would be childfree.
    via Canva
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to go to my sister's wedding, knowing that it means most of our family won't attend?
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 03
    Throwaway account. I (40F) am significantly older than my sister, 25F. As such, after she was born, I was repeatedly looked over and parentified by my parents in favor of her. Examples of this include giving my old clothes and toys to her (without my permission), rather than preserving them as a keepsake of
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 04
    my childhood. In short, my inner child has had to do a lot of healing over the years. I am low contact with my parents and sister, but apparently she is engaged and wants me to be a part of the wedding party. Now, I am not comfortable around children of any age. It is part of my
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 05
    trauma; being around them for me comes with a sense of responsibility that reminds me of the neglect I suffered at the hands of my family. My sister knows this, so I assumed with her asking me to be in the wedding, that the wedding would be childfree. During a discussion, she mentioned her fiancé's best friend's
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 06
    daughter would be serving as flower girl and our cousin's son would be ring bearer. I reminded her that I would not be comfortable around children and expressed my disappointment that she would invite me to be in a wedding that is not childfree. She looked sad for a second and told me that there were
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 07
    many young children and families that are close to her and her fiance and the day would feel "incomplete" without them, and if I really wasn't comfortable around children to that extent, she would understand if I am unable to attend. I was shocked that she would uninvite me in the favor of random
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 08
    kids and it reminded me of being thrown aside in favor of her when we were young, so I left to collect myself. I attempted to ask my parents to talk some sense into her but, surprise, surprise, they took her side. At this point, I was deeply hurt and needed an outlet, so I did something that might make me TA. I
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 09
    am friends with some other family members on facebook, and I made a post about how my sister was kicking me out of the wedding and that my parents were taking her side, all because of the trauma that they contributed to themselves. I didn't go into detail because I didn't think it was anyone else's business, I
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 10
    just wanted to vent. Now, people are apparently refusing to go to my sister's wedding unless I am reinstated as part of the wedding. She and my parents are begging me to come but still refusing to budge on the children being there, so it doesn't make much of a difference to me. I do feel bad because I didn't
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 11
    know that our family would refuse to come but I cannot go to an event that has that many children running around or retract my statement because I don't want the family to think I lied. AITA for refusing to go? EDIT: for those of you suggesting
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 12
    therapy, I am in therapy. My therapist is incredible and helped me realize how heavily my past has affected me. I have yet to discuss the facebook post with her, but we'll see what she has to say.
    via u/Old-Direction2968
  • 13
    JPenelope 16 hr. ago A hole Enthusiast [5] YTA Your parents giving your hand-me-downs to your sister is not parentification. It's economics. You didn't lose your childhood because your sister wore your old sweatshirt or played in your old playpen. One could
    via u/JPenelope
  • 14
    easily turn things around and your sister could complain that she was treated worse because, while her older sister got all her things new, she had to make do with 15-year-old leftovers. Just because your sister has asked you to be at her side
    via u/JPenelope
  • 15
    on one of the most important days of her life does not mean that she and her partner need to cater the entire event to your preferences. Their wedding is about them and what they want. Your sister didn't uninvite you. She accepted that you
    via u/JPenelope
  • 16
    declined the invitation because apparently being within 100 feet of anyone under the age of 18 gives you hives. Blasting her all over social media deliberately omitting details so that she would look like the villain is the true cherry on the cake. "My
    via u/JPenelope
  • 17
    sister wanted children as flower girl and ring bearer for her wedding, as is customary for almost every western-style wedding. I'm gutted that she would dare to do this because I once babysat her as a teenager (also pretty standard)." Look, maybe there are
    via u/JPenelope
  • 18
    details that you omitted where you were actually neglected and a sed by your family in favour of your younger sister. But the fact that you would choose to omit them rather than include them to support
    via u/JPenelope
  • 19
    your point of view suggests to me that you know that you were not nearly as hard done by as you want people to believe. You're just selfish.
    via u/JPenelope
  • 20
    ausernamebyany_other. 15 hr. ago A hole Aficionado [19] Absolutely this. OP reeks of manipulation and entitlement. Clearly didn't cope well with not being an only child any more. I'd love some examples of the parentification too. At this rate she was probably paid to babysit!
    via u/ausernamebyany_other
  • 21
    UltNinjaPS 16 hr. ago Partassipant [2] YTA You were 15 when she was born and mad she wore your baby clothes and got to play with your toys without your permission. So if she was never born you would have all your old clothes and toys displayed throughout your
    via u/UltNinjaPS
  • 22
    house? You need to grow up. Sounds like your trauma is kids, any kids, get more attention than you. Won't go to your sister's wedding cause there will be kids there.....good grief.
    via u/UltNinjaPS
  • 23
    Upset your stuff isn't preserved as a keepsake of your childhood. Get over yourself.
    via u/UltNinjaPS
  • 24
    JsCTmav · 16 hr. ago Professor Emeritass [72] There's certainly nothing wrong with you not attending a wedding where you will feel uncomfortable. Heck, there's nothing wrong with you not attending a wedding for no reason at all other than you don't feel like
    via u/JsCTmav
  • 25
    other than you don't feel like going. But that's not what you're doing here. You lied publicly lied about being "kicked out" - you simply weren't able to dictate that others get uninvited because they might make you uncomfortable. It's not your
    via u/JsCTmav
  • 26
    wedding - you could just not go, you didn't have to make false claims. YTA. Oh, and do seek therapy. I don't doubt that you have traumas from how you were treated in the past, but a parent giving a younger
    via u/JsCTmav
  • 27
    sibling clothes or toys that an older sibling outgrew is not an example of being overlooked or parentified. You would likely benefit from discussing with an unbiased third party.
    via u/JsCTmav
  • 28
    AndSoItGoes24 . 16 hr. ago. edited 16 hr. ago Craptain [175] She didn't uninvite you. She said she would understand if your discomfort around children led you to decline the invitation. She was exceedingly gracious about this too. Without doubt, in your pain
    via u/AndSoItGoes24
  • 29
    you lashed out against someone who looks for ways to support you. (The past is no more her fault than it is yours.) And YTA for publicly deriding your sister for your choice to not attend her wedding. This isn't about you being parentified into
    via u/AndSoItGoes24
  • 30
    responsibility for your sister when you were young. Many of us experienced the same and never insist that it has made us fatally allergic to the presence of children in any form now. Oh the horror. There is no safe
    via u/AndSoItGoes24
  • 31
    space from them. Children are literally everywhere we turn, the markets, restaurants, movie theaters, next door even.
    via u/AndSoItGoes24
  • 32
    10 Fearless_Spring5611 16 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [23] YTA. . Not your wedding. You're not the main character. You objected to the wedding and gave a choice - you, or all those other guest. Your sister chose everyone else over one low-contact family
    via u/Fearless_Spring5611
  • 33
    member. So you've now manipulated the story and trashed her wedding all because it wasn't about you. Main Character Syndrome much?
    via u/Fearless_Spring5611

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